The short answer
To give a wedding speech, first ask the couple when you are speaking and for how long, then write to that length: who you are, one or two stories about the person you are there for, a few words to the person they married, and a toast. Read it aloud at your own pace, cut what runs over, mark the pauses, and print it in large type.
What should you ask the couple before you write?
Ask before you draft, because the answers decide what you write. Find out when in the day you are speaking, about how long the couple would like, who speaks before and after you, and whether there will be a microphone. Ask whether there is anything or anyone they would rather you did not mention, and who will be in the room: a speech for close friends is not the same as one in front of grandparents and colleagues.
If you are one of several speakers, ask whether the others know their lengths too, so the toasts together fit the time the couple has set aside. If part of the room speaks another language, ask whether a line or two in it would be welcome.
- When you speak, and who introduces you
- How long the couple would like
- Who speaks before and after you
- Whether there is a microphone, and who hands it over
- Anything or anyone to leave out
- Who will be in the room
- Any language the room shares besides yours
What is a simple structure for a wedding toast?
One structure to start from has four parts. Say who you are and how you know the person you are there for, in a sentence. Tell one or two short stories that show something true about them. Turn to the person they married, or to both of them, and say what you see in them together. Then raise a glass and say a short toast that everyone can repeat.
It is a starting point, not a rule. A parent may want to welcome a new family; a friend may want to thank the couple for something; a couple thanking everyone may want a list of names. Whatever the shape, keep one idea per part and end on the toast, so the room knows when to lift their glasses.
How long should a wedding speech be?
Write to the length the couple asked for. To see how long a draft takes to say, divide its words by your speaking pace. A pace of 130 words a minute is an assumption, a little slower than conversation, which suits a nervous speaker and a room that laughs; time yourself to find your own.
For example, a hypothetical 390-word draft at an assumed 130 words a minute takes 390 ÷ 130 = 3 minutes. If the couple asked for about two minutes, that is 130 × 2 = 260 words, so about 130 words to cut. Cutting a whole story keeps the rest intact, where trimming a few words from each sentence does not. Allow a little more time for laughter and for any line you will pause on.
How do you choose the stories for a wedding speech?
Pick a story that shows something about the person, such as kindness, stubbornness, loyalty or how they changed after meeting their partner, and that the whole room can follow. A useful test: would you be glad for their grandparents, their new in-laws and their manager to hear it? If a story needs explaining, it is probably an inside joke, and it can go.
Leave out former partners, anything said in confidence, and jokes at the expense of anyone in the room. Check the spelling and pronunciation of names you will say, especially of the person they married and of their family, and ask the couple if you are unsure.
How do you practice and deliver a wedding speech?
Read the draft aloud, standing, with a stopwatch running. Mark a pause with a slash where you want to breathe or let a line land, and read it again with the pauses. Change any sentence you stumble on twice. Practice once with a microphone or a stand-in held at your chin, and once in front of someone who will tell you where it drags.
Print a reading copy in large type, or cue cards with one paragraph each, numbered in case they are dropped. You can read it; you do not have to memorize it. Look up at the end of each paragraph, hold your glass in the hand you are not using for the cards, and wait for the room to settle before you start.
What if two people are giving the speech together?
Decide who says what before either of you writes, and split by part rather than by line: one tells the first story, the other turns to the couple, and you both give the toast. Time each part on its own and together, so the shared speech is no longer than one would have been.
Rehearse the handover, which is where shared speeches stall. Agree who holds the microphone, how it passes, and who starts the toast.
Speech planning sheet
Use one row for a decision or deliverable. Keep unanswered items visible. Download the blank worksheet to open in Excel, Numbers or Google Sheets.
On a small screen, swipe the worksheet sideways to see the remaining columns.
| Item | Your answer |
|---|---|
| When I speak | — |
| Length the couple asked for | — |
| Who speaks before and after me | — |
| Microphone | — |
| Names to check | — |
| First story | — |
| Second story | — |
| Words to the couple | — |
| Toast line | — |
| Draft timed at | — |
A message you can make your own
Change the wording to suit you, fill in anything in brackets and keep the questions that apply. You decide what to send and send it yourself.
I am working on my speech for your wedding and want to get the length right. Could you tell me when I will be speaking, about how long you would like it to be, who is speaking before and after me, and whether there will be a microphone? If there is anything or anyone you would rather I did not mention, tell me now and it will not be in it.
Common questions
How long should a best man or maid of honor speech be?
A best man or maid of honor speech can be as long as the couple asks for, so ask them first. To time a draft, divide its words by your speaking pace: at an assumed 130 words a minute, a 260-word draft takes about two minutes. Read it aloud with a stopwatch to find your own pace.
How do you start a wedding toast?
Start a wedding toast by saying who you are and how you know the person you are there for, in one sentence, so the room knows why you are speaking. Then go straight into your first story. Thanking the hosts or the couple first is optional; if you do, keep it to a line.
Should you read a wedding speech or memorize it?
You can read a wedding speech; you do not have to memorize it. Print it in large type or on numbered cards, mark the pauses, and practice enough that you can look up at the end of each paragraph. A printed copy also means nerves cannot take the words away.
What should a wedding speech avoid?
A wedding speech can leave out former partners, secrets, jokes at anyone’s expense and stories that need explaining. Ask the couple if there is anything they would rather you did not mention, and check how to say the names you will use. If you would not tell a story in front of their grandparents, leave it out.
How do you end a wedding toast?
End a wedding toast by asking the room to stand or raise their glasses, then say a short line everyone can repeat, such as the couple’s names. Pause before it so people can pick up their glasses, and hand the microphone back once the room has drunk.