The short answer
Wedding plus-one rules are yours to set: choose one rule you can state in a sentence, such as partners only, and apply it the same way across the guest list. Each plus-one you offer is a possible seat, meal and per-person charge, so track plus-ones offered and expected, and check both against venue capacity and your contract prices.
How do plus-ones change the wedding headcount?
A plus-one who replies yes is a guest like any other: a chair, a place setting, a meal, a drink package if the bar is priced per person, and a share of any rental ordered by count. Anything your contracts price per guest moves with each plus-one, and so do capacity limits for the room, a tent or a shuttle.
Keep plus-ones on the guest list as their own rows, with a placeholder name until you know it, in the same household as the guest who brings them. The totals you send the caterer, the rental company and the stationer then include them without extra work.
Who gets a plus-one at a wedding?
A plus-one at a wedding goes to whoever your rule covers, so write a rule you can state in one sentence, then apply it to the list. Rules you could choose include: married, engaged and live-in partners only; partners of anyone in a relationship of a length you pick; any guest who will not know other guests; the wedding party; or everyone. The rule is yours; writing it down makes it easier to apply the same way to each guest.
Keep a short exceptions list with the reason for each one. When someone asks why they did not receive a plus-one, a rule you applied across the list is easier to explain than a set of individual decisions. Review the list once more just before invitations go out, since a guest's relationship may have changed since you drafted it.
How do I count plus-ones before RSVPs come back?
Keep two numbers. Plus-ones offered is the number you have invited; plus-ones expected is your estimate of how many will come. Plan capacity against the offered number, since the room cannot hold more people than it holds, and plan the budget with both, so you know the cost if all offers are accepted.
As replies arrive, replace the estimate with the actual number. A reply that says yes for two should include a name for the second person, because escort cards, place cards and any venue guest list need one. If the name is missing, ask for it when you confirm the reply.
How much does a plus-one add to the wedding cost? For example
For example, suppose a hypothetical catering contract charges $120 per guest for dinner and $40 per guest for a bar package, with a 22% service charge, and 8% tax on the total including the service charge. One added guest is $160 before charges; with the service charge, $160 x 1.22 = $195.20; with tax, $195.20 x 1.08 = $210.82.
If you offer 20 plus-ones and expect 14 to attend, the expected cost is 14 x $210.82 = $2,951.48, and the cost if all 20 attend is 20 x $210.82 = $4,216.40. Add chairs, linens or tables if your rental order is priced by count. Whether tax applies to the service charge depends on your contract and your state, so use your own contract's order of calculation.
How do you address a wedding invitation with a plus-one?
If you know the guest's partner, name them on the envelope and the reply card; a named guest is clearer than "and guest". If you are offering an unnamed plus-one, say so on the envelope or reply card and give the card a line for the second name. If the invitation names only one person, the guest may not know whether a plus-one is included, so state the number of seats reserved.
If you use an online reply form, check that it limits each invitation to the number of seats offered and asks for the plus-one's name and meal choice. A form that accepts any number of guests per reply makes the count harder to control.
- Partner named on the envelope, if known
- Number of seats reserved on the reply card
- Line for the plus-one name
- Meal choice for the plus-one, if needed
- Online form limited to seats offered
What if a guest asks to bring someone who was not invited?
Check your numbers before you answer. If the offered count is already at the room capacity or your budget, a polite no is simpler to give with the reason written down. If there is room, decide whether the request fits your rule; if it does not, saying yes creates an exception others may ask about.
Answer in writing and update the guest list the same day. If you say yes after the final count is submitted, ask the caterer whether the count can still change and at what price before you confirm to the guest.
Plus-one worksheet
Use one row for a decision or deliverable. Keep unanswered items visible. Download the blank worksheet to open in Excel, Numbers or Google Sheets.
On a small screen, swipe the worksheet sideways to see the remaining columns.
| Category | Guests in category | Plus-ones offered | Plus-ones expected | Plus-ones confirmed |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Married, engaged or live-in partners | — | — | — | — |
| Other partners | — | — | — | — |
| Wedding party | — | — | — | — |
| Guests who know no one else | — | — | — | — |
| Exceptions | — | — | — | — |
| Totals | — | — | — | — |
| Room capacity for our layout | — | — | — | — |
| Cost per added guest, all in | — | — | — | — |
A message you can make your own
Change the wording to suit you, fill in anything in brackets and keep the questions that apply. You decide what to send and send it yourself.
We are deciding how many plus-ones to offer and want to check the numbers first. Could you confirm the maximum number of guests for our room and layout, including the head table and any vendor tables, and the full cost of one added guest with the bar package, service charge and tax? Please also let us know the last date the count can go up, and whether an increase after the final count is priced differently.
Common questions
Do plus-ones count toward the final guest count?
Plus-ones count toward the final guest count once they reply yes, because from then on they are guests. Include them in the final count you submit to the caterer and venue, and in your rental, seating and shuttle numbers. Before replies arrive, count plus-ones offered against the venue capacity, since each could still say yes.
Do you have to allow plus-ones at a wedding?
Allowing plus-ones at a wedding is your decision, including for guests who are dating. Choose a rule, such as married, engaged and live-in partners, partners you have met, or partners of a length you pick, and apply it the same way to each guest it covers. Keep a short list of any exceptions and the reason for each.
Should the wedding party get plus-ones?
Giving the wedding party plus-ones is your choice. You may decide to offer them because wedding party members spend much of the day away from their partners and each other, or you may not. Either way, count the wedding party plus-ones against capacity and the budget before deciding, and put the decision in your written rule.
Can a wedding plus-one be a friend?
A wedding plus-one can be a friend if your invitation offers an unnamed guest, since the guest you invited then chooses who to bring. If you meant the seat for a partner, say so by naming the partner on the envelope and reply card. Ask for the plus-one's name with the reply, for escort cards and seating.
Do plus-ones go to the rehearsal dinner?
Plus-ones go to the rehearsal dinner if the hosts of the rehearsal dinner invite them, which is a separate decision from the wedding invitation. Decide who is invited, count them against the rehearsal dinner venue's capacity and per-person price, and send that invitation separately, so a wedding plus-one does not assume they are included.
Do plus-ones sit with the wedding party or at the head table?
Whether plus-ones sit with the wedding party or at the head table is a seating choice for you to make. A head table for the wedding party alone leaves partners at a guest table, so seat them near the head table or with guests they know. A table that includes partners needs the extra chairs and table length counted.
Can I take back a plus-one after inviting it?
Taking back a plus-one after the invitation went out is something you can ask for, though it may be awkward for the guest. If the venue capacity or budget has changed, explain the reason directly and privately, and update the guest list, the reply form and the count you give the caterer at once.
How do I word a wedding invitation without a plus-one?
A wedding invitation without a plus-one is addressed to the invited person by name on the envelope and reply card, with the number of seats reserved, such as "We have reserved 1 seat in your honor." A clear number leaves less to guess. If your online reply form allows extra guests, limit it to the seats offered.